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Creating lives we love by integrating hearts and minds

Love Yourself First

One of the things I really love about my work is helping people look at the relationship they have with themselves.

Especially when they see how simply understanding this relationship can help them in every area of their lives, because everything starts with the way we relate to our self.


We all want to love and to be loved. When we think of someone we love it comes with a beautiful feeling, when we think of someone loving us, it also comes with a beautiful feeling.


Life is all about feelings, at the heart of everything we do, are our feelings. We often find ourselves occupied by a feeling we are in, and a feeling we want to be in. These two feelings can be the same, or they can be oceans apart.


If we are in a feeling state we want to be in, every action we take will be about staying in that feeling. If we are in a feeling state we don’t want to be in, we will be working hard to get to a feeling state we do want.

Unfortunately most of us have misunderstood where our feelings come from and this is the place where the mix up starts, we try really hard to get to and stay in a good feeling, but we are busy in all the wrong places, we get exhausted and the worse thing is, after all the effort we still don’t see the results we want, we still feel unloved and unloving.


This is why understanding ourselves, where our feelings come from and how they change is life changing stuff; it enables us to make the changes we want where they will be most effective for us.


Heart of life is all about understanding, but the difference here is that we are learning something with our hearts not with our minds. I will say that again, we are learning something with our hearts not our minds.


This is because our mind has limitations on what it can learn and our heart doesn’t, and what we are learning is outside the capability of our mind to know.

We are very used to learning something with our mind, and because we do that more than anything else in our culture, we then spend most of our time living from the minds limitations.


If we really want a truly great life we will have to be prepared to expand our mind to it’s limits and then go far beyond that with our heart.

The place where this understanding begins is with a true understanding of yourself, what you are and what you are not, without this piece you will have no real lasting peace.


Now don’t get me wrong I don’t think the mind is a bad thing, in fact I think it is awesome, I wouldn’t want to be without mine and it does it’s job brilliantly. It’s just that we have given jobs to our mind that it’s just simply not meant to do.

Like wearing ice skating boots to play football, there is nothing wrong with the ice skating boots, but you will never play great football whilst wearing them.

There is nothing wrong with our minds but we will never reach our full potential whilst only listening to it and not to our hearts.


We need to learn about ourselves and understand what is going on for us, by knowing what is going on for us we will relate to ourselves better, hence we can have a great relationship with ourselves, love ourselves in fact.

All love begins with self-love, so that would be the very best place to start a great relationship with anyone, by loving yourself first.


Lets go right back to the beginning of this conversation, and look at some of the statements I made and answer some of the questions this might have raised for you.


If everything is about how we relate to our self, how do we relate to our self?

At the moment most of us relate through a simple misunderstanding about just how amazing we are, and how deep we go, most of us see only a body and a brain. (Which is pretty marvellous I really don’t think most of us even fully appreciate this)

We only see what’s on the surface level of us, and either skip past or simply don’t see the remarkable potential we have when we connect to our heart or our core and reveal our spiritual nature, step fully into our true and whole selves. So most of us are relating to the smallest part of who we truly are, and seeing its imperfections and failures.


Where do our feelings come from?

Our feelings come from our thinking; we live in the feeling of our thinking.

The problems arise when we mistakenly believe that things outside of us cause us to feel a certain way, so we believe that we feel our circumstances. It looks like we feel the things that are going on around us. In our defence it really does seem like things outside of us cause us to have the thinking we have.

But if that were true, it would mean that things outside of us would have to be different for us to feel something different, and that’s not always the case.


How do our feelings change?

Our feelings change when our thinking changes, and out thinking is in a perpetual state of change.


How do we learn from our heart?

We slow down, and we allow ourselves to connect to the deeper part of who we are, we trust our feelings, our gut, our intuition. We start to allow ourselves more space more connection and more trust, this is also a great way to learn about our self, connecting to more of what is inside every one of us.

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