Silence is golden
For two days, I didn’t speak out loud to another human being.
During my last hour of silence, this is what suddenly crystallised for me.
Our experience comes to us via thought (the separate self, ego, personality)
This separate self wants to live, wants to be alive, wants to be saved.
And so, even without words – during silence – the personality/separate self will make itself known. It will continue to show up, uninvited, to the party!
I have heard somewhere that only a very small percentage of our human communication is verbal. A huge amount of it is via body language, facial expressions, gestures, laughter etc. I really saw that this weekend as we all cut out verbal communication. Our personalities, our separate beings, still spoke to each other. There were times when I had the thought that others weren’t doing the silence “right” and I noticed my body react to that, knowing I couldn’t speak that thought out loud, my ego still attempted to communicate that.
At the beginning of the weekend, I read a bible verse and it kept coming back to me throughout the course of the weekend
“He who shall save his life, will lose it”
It kept coming back to me as I saw that what Jesus was pointing to here was the separate self – our ego, personality and bodies – e.g. That part of us which isn’t the true and everlasting essence. Our ego tries to keep itself alive, and in the face of silence – the attempt to turn the volume down on ego – it tries to maintain itself and “save his life”.
That which is in form (ego) cannot be saved. And when we do not see that we continue to try to save it and it can only be lost, in death, which is inevitable for us all.
Just the knowing of this, the seeing of this, quietens the ego in some small measure.
I noticed over the course of the two days silence that my mind, my thoughts were a lot quieter than I had expected them to be. I had anticipated that my thoughts would be screaming and pleading to be spoken out loud. As it turned out, not giving them life outside of my head actually allowed them to flow – thought came, and thought left, on and on, in a seamless flow. Exactly as it is designed to do.
Without my drive to explain myself, question actions, fill silences with words, my thought system operates with absolute perfection.