Tuesday 12th January
I Woke up feeling very unsure again, that feeling of fear, or maybe dread was in my stomach, but I wasn’t having any of it, that is not going to be the feeling I am going to take notice of or the one today’s actions are going to come from.
It’s funny because last night I was in a great feeling. For the first time in a very long time I felt like I’d done a proper days work, I both worked really hard and achieved quite a bit.
Just goes to show we feel our thinking not our circumstances!
No worries, onward and upward!
I talked to me friend on skype, and without any intention or need to do anything, my thinking just changed and the feeling eased, it was good to talk about my plans and get all fired up about them again, it would be so easy to attach my good feeling to that, oh how easily we are fooled!
Then I got a text, one of my ladies isn’t going to make tomorrows meeting, BOOM thoughts of insecurity just loved that, taunting me and laughing, you are never going to get people to sign up to a year long programme with you, they can’t even be bothered to come to a free meeting!!
Breath…….and breath……. NO connection, don’t make any up it really won’t help.
It really felt like I had to do something, but I resisted and just let the thoughts just play in my head for a while, I noticed the washing up got done, and I listening to a good book on my IPod whilst doing it. (Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert)
My mind is much calmer and settling now, I sent a message back to my friend, follow your own wisdom I said, I am going to do the same. And I am. I love what I’m doing and I know it’s the right thing for me right now.
It will either work or it won’t but I am going to do it, I know that much. My Fearful thoughts won’t stop me, not this time.
Looking back I can see that for a very long time my fearful thinking was bigger than me, so it ruled the roost, it bullied me, then I realised that it was me feeding that thinking, and allowing it to be a bully, so as best I can, these days, I keep it on a very strict diet, and I don’t play the victim, I don’t want to kill my fearful thinking off entirely, we all need a bit of healthy fear in our lives, but I have no intention of over feeding it or giving it back its leadership role, that one’s mine from here on in.
It looks like today’s crisis is over, lets leave thinking to do it’s thing and I will do mine, at least for the time being so lets get on with creating the dream!