Wednesday January 13th
This morning I realised that I have a huge paradoxical thing going on.
Building my business for this whole year must be the most important thing to me in the world, and at the same time it mustn’t matter one single bit.
That’s the challenge, doing this as if it is the most important thing ever, and that doesn’t matter one bit!
Can I do that; Can I have both of those things going on at the same time? I can see that without putting words onto it, that’s what I’ve been heading towards doing, so I really hope so.
I’ve been creating stuff as if it’s the most precious thing in the whole world to me, as if the most important people in my life are going to be a part of it, as if everyone will be fighting to be ‘in’. Then putting it out there and allowing people to make up their own minds, maybe they will come and it will work as a business, as I intended it to work, maybe they won’t and it won’t.
That last bit, putting it our there, that’s what I’m doing tonight at my ladies meet up group. Very excited and feeling really hopeful that it will go well, I’ve certainly put the work in!
So although I’ve said that’s what I’m doing, I haven’t actually done it yet, so lets see first off, if I do it and second if I do, what happens when I do
Wednesday Evening Meet-up Group.
For the meet-up group, as I said this morning, I had put a lot of work in to making the evening a success.
Sent out emails and text to remind everyone.
Written out lesson plans and organised what I would need to take with me, sorted my evening so I wouldn’t be late.
I was really excited about the evening and had high hopes for a great meeting and a good turn out.
Only four people turned up, twelve had said they were coming, three cancelled during today then four just didn’t show.
During the meeting I decided to put the lack of participants out of my mind not allow any unhelpful thinking distract me and still do what I had planned and to the best of my ability, the meeting was great fun I really enjoyed myself and I felt it went very well, it was lovely having such an intimate chat.
Then in the car on the way home my thinking kicked in, I was feeling really insecure and like I was a failure, how come I could only get four people in a room when I had put so much into it, my heart and soul. I was feeling really deflated and seriously considered giving up.
What should I do, how could I show these people what they had missed out on and how badly they had treated me, I was busy writing an email to them in my head telling them what I thought of them, when a thought popped in, why are you doing this?
Is this really down to them or is this about you? ?
I stopped and listened to my wisdom, “bring this back to you” it said.
I know I am going to continue to do this until my last breath, maybe it will end up earning me a living and maybe it won’t, but giving up isn’t an option, If I keep showing up, sooner or later the people who want to hear this message will be there, and if it’s only one person so be it.
I was feeling very much calmer, the email in my head was a much nicer one now, my thinking and my life options were opening up again.
I remembered what I was writing this morning, and what I know about relationships.
I have to do this as if it is the most important thing in the world and also as if it doesn’t matter one bit.
I have to do it without conditions.
I could clearly see that I had put my okayness on people showing up to the meeting, and a ton of conditions!
I asked myself the question, do you want to do this from a bitter unhappy mind, or a free happy one at peace with what is.
A no brainer of course.
So the thinking that anyone has to come to the meetings, or join the membership site is now gone, it looks really funny, me on my own doing this. Ha ha ha. Oh wait, I have three people in already, perfect, life is just so awesome and bountiful, I REALLY LOVE my life.
Feeling very excited and energised for tomorrow now, how thinking changes in a second!
This is what I am doing for the very least, the next year, and I am going to do it with love peace and contentment as my companions. The lovely twins, fear and anxiety are here too, but they are in the back seat, and staying there!
I can see that it really looked to me like it was a truth that people not being at the meeting was hurting me, it was massive to see that it was totally open to me to be hurt or not.
So I choose not to be, and I love that I have the freedom to make that choice, that’s bigger than the choice itself!
Off to bed now, a good sleep and then back to creation, this is going to be the very best membership site in the world, even if there are only ever three members! And I am blissfully happy and at peace with that, understanding the principles rocks!