Tuesday 5th January 2016
Feeling very unsettled today, playing instead of getting down to real work, still not advertised my retreat or done anything about moving my business forward, but I did play about with logo ideas, feeling very unhappy with myself and disappointed I’m not doing more, but aware its only rubbish thinking so just doing what I can until it passes.
Thursday 7th January
I promised to keep up with this diary and already I’ve fallen behind, only a few days in.
So what happened?
I slipped into a lot of fearful thinking around money and building my business, and along side this, my son had a few problems, which had him getting angry and upset with me. I knew that the feelings I was experiencing were coming from the thinking I was in, but this time I was in it and I let it overwhelm me.
Saturday 9th January
After a bit of an up and down week, letting a lot of fearful thinking get the better of me, thankfully its full steam ahead again, I’ve stepped back into a great feeling and the ideas are coming thick and fast.
I’ve added to and changed bits of my business plan its looking good to me. On the other hand I’ve looked more closely at my cash flow, or more to the point lack of cash flowing anywhere but out….. that’s not so great.
The guilt around money is big for me, it’s what’s behind me sorting this stuff out, guilt that I don’t earn my share of the household expenses, and guilt that I don’t work hard enough, that I get overwhelmed and do nothing useful.
I Need Help
My lovely amazing and very clever friend Gillian Pearce has offered her help and it’s been great having someone to bounce ideas off and get feedback from. Between us we decided it would be a good idea to have some ‘Founder members’ of the community to test the ideas out on and get some honest (eeekkkk) feedback from.
So I’ve happily spent today creating content and I’ve sent out emails and invites to everyone I think might benefit from being a ‘Founder member’ and am loving every minute of it.
I’ve noticed from the ups and downs of this week, that at times I can still find myself feeling overwhelmed, this results in me flitting from thing to thing without taking any real steps forward or doing anything really useful; I can then delude myself by getting very busy, being busy, doing nothing!
Having seen that, then watching Gemma (my daughter) working with her business partner, and having Gillian helping me I’ve decided that this is an area where I’m going to ask for some help.
I can clearly see I could really benefit from having someone helping me focus, and pin point my best actions, someone who is not quite so emotionally involved as I am, so could see things from a clearer perspective when I can’t. It might stop me wasting time going round in busy circles.
So I’m looking for some one to one business mentoring.
Money might be an issue here, but I’m staying open……
I’ve got a website, not a great one, not a bad one either, but I think it might be a good idea to have a professional one built, it feels exciting, maybe not totally necessary at this point, as Gillian is being just amazing getting a basic membership site up and working for me. But I can’t keep expecting her to do it for nothing and there is a point past which she doesn’t want to do it, so I’ve been having a look at what’s out there and what I might need.
One reason I’ve not had help before or a professional website built is a lack of money to put into the business, and whilst I am very aware that you don’t need money to start helping people, it would be very helpful not to have to use my time learning to do jobs I’m not interested in doing long term and that take me hours to master, only to forget it all before I need the skill again.
To that end I’ve decided that I need some money to build my business with, so my house is going on the market. I’m down sizing, to free up some of the capital, and give me some spending money. It’s not happened on a whim, I’ve thought it through for a long time, probably longer than it needed thinking about. It looks like a great idea to me. Lets see what happens, how long it takes to sell, where we move to and if it continues to look like a good idea when solicitors and estate agents are a part of my daily life!